opposition

One of the interesting things about human experience is our ability to hold two opposing emotions, ideas, interests at the same time. While I suffer, I also take joy.
I remember this so clearly on September 11 when the World Trade Towers came down. I was filled with fear and sadness, but also the beauty of the natural world. It was as if the space created by loss could not remain empty, but filled of its own accord with its exact opposite: more beauty than my eyes, my spirit, my body could even contain.
And so it is that while I fill with anxiety and depression as my father-in-law passes, I also am hungry, starving for life. It's not so much a desire to escape, as a natural need for balance.
Flying out of Stewart Airport last Saturday, a girl behind the Quizno's counter reminded me that babies were being born as we spoke.
The flight to Philadelphia was empty. I had the entire prop plane to myself. Could see the lights below thru the propellers as they spun. Watched the landing gear unfold from the wings. It couldn't have been a more peaceful flight. Exactly what I needed as I prepared to keep my heart open and embrace the process and pain of a family that is as much my own as the one to which I was born.
That empty plane was such a gift. I am always in search of solitude and quiet. I am so grateful when it comes in unexpected places and ways.
At the same time, I yearn, as we all do, for connection and companionship. So I wake early this morning to enjoy the solitude of an empty house, morning light, slow sleepy body/mind. And can't wait to get outdoors, out into the world, into life.