When I first got downsized, I had visions of running off to India, getting lost in the swirl of a country I've been wanting to visit for years. The reality wasn't quite so dreamy. But is turning out to be a different kind of adventure.
My first day back from a trip to Yuma, AZ, where I'd been headed before I got the ax, I landed a fast and furious freelance gig that set my head spinning. Mindful of the $$ that my bank account would appreciate, I managed the meltdowns and did some great work under pressure.
Then the doldrums set in. I set up lunches. Made a few new connections. Updated my resume and website. I entered the "Catching up on Doctor's Appointments" phase.
It's almost 2 months now. The Visa applications for India seem to be in a perpetual state of almost done. But I'm just about finished with a knitting project that I had to completely unravel and start over. I'm somewhere in the middle of an art project for FIGMENT on Governor's Island June 11, 12, and 13. And I just started my application for an MFA program I've been looking at for 10 years.
This is the amazing blessing of losing your job. You get to live.
At first, the quiet is a little deafening. Or more accurately, anxiety producing. But then, as the mind starts swirling, forgotten things bubble up. And life becomes your work. Which begins to feel more like play.
It felt a little funny at first. Like I should be doing something more productive. But what's more productive than living?
I still have those moments where I go into a silent panic about money and am gripped by desperation about the house and yard that will never be House Beautiful. But on rainy Monday mornings like these, I have no where to be but where I am. And no one to be but myself.
May your day be filled with the Magic Medicine of reimaging and reinventing your life.
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