Paths to God

I am reading The Upanishads, The Bhagavad Gita and Ram Dass' Paths To God, Living the Bhagavad Gita. As usual when I'm reading a few books at a time, I skip back and forth between them. Paths to God is based on a series of lectures RD gave at Naropa in 1974. With the lectures, he suggested some guidelines, one of which was to keep a journal of one's spiritual experiences during the course of reading and studying The Gita; another was to read the Gita a minimum of three times. I'm not sure my version will last the first reading. It's a vintage paperback that crumbles as I turn the pages and I love it all the more for that. But it occurred to me this evening as I was reading (and falling asleep between sentences, not out of boredom, but simple tiredness), that I might start my journal here in this blog. No better place.
Recently I've been practicing mantra in addition to chanting, although the last week has been so busy I realized I hadn't chanted; and even my mantra practice which had become 2nd nature, had fallen off. But...
on the subway home last week after a particularly annoying day at work, I had an amazing moment of clarity that can only be called enlightenment. For a split second I saw, knew and felt beyond any other knowledge that I have ever had, that it didn't matter. The events of the day, the slings and arrows of misfortune, the frustrations, the people -- none of it mattered, not a bit. Even now it is hard to put into words exactly the meaning, its expansiveness and its light. I can only say that for one moment I saw beyond the moment, beyond the day, beyond even my life to the infinity of existence in such a way that all was clear and content, peaceful and perfect.
Hum Sah as one of my yoga freinds at Omega would say. The sound of the breath going in and out according to the ancient yogis.
When life gets as busy as it has been for the last several weeks, it is difficult to keep up one's spiritual practices, pursuits. Living in that space requires a certain kind of dedication of course. Just like the dedication of getting myself to karate class three times a week in the evenings. But chanting and mantra, meditation and reading spiritual texts, then finding time for contemplation - this is a supreme challenge. I find myself not so much missing it when it slips out of my life, but missing it when I find it again. There is a longing, a sweet sadness, a fullness and emptiness at once.
The last several weeks I've been feeling like life is shit. No other way to put it really. It's just a question of perspective. Good things happen, and then seem ruined by not so pleasant happenings. Now, after an evening of chant and quiet, reflection and reading, something inside shifts. And once again I'm reminded that finding time everyday for these simple pursuits is not a luxury but a necessity.