artless

I have been struggling with Lyme disease since September, which is about when my art work seems to have petered off as well. I've managed a few pieces of jewelry, and a small start on cleaning up my studio. This past week I expanded my prayer bead work by using small strips from my morning oatmeal and organic herb teas throughout the day. But perhaps more important, and a bit of an indicator that the antibiotics are kicking in -- I actually had the brain power and patience to begin building a web site. I hankered down and stayed on the line with Yahoo to get an e-commerce site set up. Now I just have to pull together words and images. But it is a start. And while I continue to hear the admonitions of naysayers in my ears - it's just my hard drive whispering - I will plow ahead with what might seem to some a disorganized effort in art career, but is the best I can manage right now.

What does this all have to do with inspiration? The challenge of being sick for a number of months brings with it life lessons and hidden blessings. I have been learning how to ask others for help - with physical things I can't manage on my own anymore, or at least for the moment. And having patience with myself in this place of more limited capabilities is giving me more patience with others. But here again, it comes back around to having more patience with myself. Caring enough about myself to slow down and be compassionate and forgiving with myself.

I question more and more the whole idea of pushing oneself all the time to do more, to do better. I am listening to my body, trying to slow down to slower than a crawl and hear what is being whispered.

Clearer and clearer it becomes that working full time in NYC is not working. And while the path is not yet clear, I have every confidence that it will be made so. Years ago my partner Larry told me a wisdom from Das Energie, that counsels to do what you are doing until you can do it no more.

Have patience with yourself. Keep doing the work you are doing until it can be done no more. And trust that you are on your path in exactly the place you are meant to be.